


Returning Home

by lw531



Series: MJ's Peter [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Michelle Jones Is a Good Bro, Michelle Jones is a Little Shit, Ned Leeds is a Good Bro, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Whump, broken up spideychelle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-20
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21873784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lw531/pseuds/lw531
Summary: Two years after returning to New York, MJ starts running into the people she's left behind. A counselor specializing in post-blip recovery and re-integration, MJ has to come to terms with her own unresolved wounds.
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe), Michelle Jones & Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Michelle Jones/Ned Leeds, Michelle Jones/Peter Parker, Original Characters - Relationship, Pepper Potts/Michelle Jones, Peter Parker & Morgan Stark (Marvel Cinematic Universe)
Series: MJ's Peter [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1562398
Comments: 5
Kudos: 52





	1. Time to herself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That day, two days from the weekend, Riley was grateful to have her sister cook for her, given her student load and the continued struggle she had with sustaining authority. “It’s like they’ve never seen a Black principal before,” Riley said as her daughters took their plates to the kitchen, “I tell you…”  
> “That’s why I’m glad I make a point to work with clients who look like us,” MJ said, “the struggle to be an authority figure doesn’t stem from not being competent, you know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter written with Candybot14's women's dynamic in "Scarlet Spider," in mind. I aged the way I wrote canon characters up to explore different dynamics among the characters. Also liked the idea of MJ having a sister. (I'm not stuck on the name Riley, I just haven't come up with a better idea)

Morgan’s one of the few privileged young people MJ can tolerate. Despite affluence and access, her proximity to the Avengers has given her a reasonable perspective on the world. She has taken the remnants of the legacy her family has left behind commited not to make the same choices. She throws her arms around MJ on seeing her chosen big sister, and says, “I am so glad Miriam gave you a reason to come back here.”  
“I’ll make sure to let her know,” MJ jokes, “that a Stark feels indebted to her. She’ll get a kick of out that!”  
They walk down to eat at Chipotle and catching up on MJ’s continued freelance artwork, Morgan’s interest in spending the summer in Wakanda, hanging with Okoye’s daughter. Their late lunch minimized the people navigating they had to do and they left with the promise to catch up again the following week, in the hopes that Pepper would permit Morgan to engage in civilian engagement within the Avenger’s network. “I know that the firsthand access I have to some of the most in-demand families is rare,” she says as they walk out, “I’ve learned more than anything that it’s important to remember our humanity in these times. Everyone survived the Kree attack, but there were lessons of accountability that were lost in the process.”  
“Agreed,” MJ said, “I’m grateful Okoye taught me some defense skills during her summer in Oakland a few years back. Knowing what I know, I don’t want to be on the sidelines. I hope to never have to fight, but learning helped make a load of difference for me. And I love going running with your mother.”  
“You go running with mom?” Morgan asks as they near MJ’s platform.  
“Every morning,” MJ says, “We meet at different places, sometimes in Brooklyn, sometimes in Manhattan. Your mom’s pretty great.”  
“Don’t tell her what I wanna do,” Morgan says, “let me do it.”  
“Cone of silence,” MJ says as she hugs Morgan good-bye, “have a good week.”  
“Take care, Em,” Morgan says as they part their embrace. 

On the train, MJ places her headphones in, catching up on NPR Code Switch. She arrives at her office, works with a couple more clients before joining her sister and her nieces for dinner. She cooks for them, her next-door neighbors and remaining family in New York, grateful for catching up on lost time in California and other missteps. Almost ten years since the blip and she doesn’t feel its lingering effects anymore. Feeling caught up and fully integrated, only her clients’ struggles serve as a reminder of how hard it had been for so many others who didn’t have the health care or support they needed right when re-integration happened.  
They lived in a brownstone two flat in Brooklyn, MJ taking the smaller ground apartment and Riley living on the upper two floors. It was the best about living with family without the interventions or curfews. MJ would walk up and cook for her sister and their shared family, catching up on life, dinner, the day’s events, and their favorite TV shows and then go home to paint, or round the corner to an art studio where she was taking pottery classes.  
That day, two days from the weekend, Riley was grateful to have her sister cook for her, given her student load and the continued struggle she had with sustaining authority. “It’s like they’ve never seen a Black principal before,” Riley said as her daughters took their plates to the kitchen, “I tell you…”  
“That’s why I’m glad I make a point to work with clients who look like us,” MJ said, “the struggle to be an authority figure doesn’t stem from not being competent, you know.”  
Riley nods and says, “Yeah,” adding, “Once the girls are bigger, I’ll probably go back to the classroom, you know, give them more time here and hopefully you’ll be traveling the world again--  
MJ shook her head, “I missed family too much in my years away, I must admit. And I love being auntie, so I’m not sure if you’re gonna get rid of me.” She walks down the hall’s hardwood floors with her and her sister’s dishes. She returns to the dining room, with a bottle of Malbec and two glasses. The women linger, reflecting on how their relationship has changed and summer plans to visit Vermont orchards before MJ says, “I should get to bed, I have a 9 am client tomorrow.  
“Goo’night, sis,” Riley says as MJ kisses her forehead.  
“Goo’night, Righ,” she answers leaving through the back door. 

MJ’s garden apartment is an artist’s studio with a bedroom and a full bath. She’s got drop cloths under a couple of canvases where the eating area should be. Her front room has couches crowded with sketchpads and on the opposite side of the table, she uses for building jewelry from repurposed materials. Of course, against the far wall in the front room, she has ceiling to floor books from used bookstores and old libraries, resisting as much as possible the e-book trend that has taken up traction in the early 2030s. She loves the smell of aged paper and the feel of worn book spines.  
That night, she curls herself up on her sofa, grabs her colored pencils and a sketchpad. She pulls out her phone, holding a picture she took while running with Pepper that morning. A lilac bush was beginning to bloom and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hold onto the image by memory. She consistently returned to sketchpads and her couch, allowing herself to be wrapped by the comfort of home and the shelter of creative basics.  
She had given a great deal of herself over the years and, well, she was grateful to have spent so much time giving herself back to herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What should MJ's sister's name be? Totally open to suggestions


	2. Awkward while eating Dominican food

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ou’re still here?” he asks.   
> She nods, “I actually work as a counselor specializing in post-blip integration and my sister needed me here longer so I transferred.”  
> Ned looks up at her, narrows his eyes. She feels exposed, but he shrugs in response and continues, “Stark Industries has invested a great deal of time and energy working with various governments to serve those who still haven’t recovered, and who better than you--  
> “Sorry,” she says, “for lying.”  
> “Daddy,” the older one says, “what did she lie about? You said lying is bad unless it’s to keep people safe--  
> “She was,” Ned said smoothing his hand over his daughter’s jet black hair, “Mari, Michelle is very good with secrets. The best really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've aged them up since my first fic so I can talk about the role of time. I love seeing Ned and MJ together because, well, they're civilians who have a lot in common and are people worthy of exploring considering what they witness. And that friendship is more beautiful that we sometimes give it credit for.

MJ misses running with Pepper with forgotten faces and feelings emerging in her sleep. She texts an apology about a bug and promises to be up for their run the next day. Work goes as work goes, alternating between CBT and talk therapy from client to client. Coming home to learn that Riley’s husband, Marcus, has taken his girls out to eat.

She uses the silence and solitude of their plans to go out to eat at a Dominican restaurant around the corner from her house. She knows the people there, they talk to each other in Spanish as she orders maduros, arroz y habicuelas to go. She takes in the late twentieth century oldies from Romeo and Michael Stuart, swaying to the beat as the restaurant begins to fill. As the cashier, Elena, calls her for her order, she hears an “MJ?” from a voice she had forgotten. 

She grabs her food and then hears it again and turns around to find Ned there, older, and more sharply dressed. “Edward Leeds!” she screams throwing her arms around him. 

“Are you visiting or?”

“Yeah,” she lies furrowing her eyebrows and smiling, “my sister lives in the neighborhood.” 

“I thought I saw Riley,” he says scratching his head. “How long are you in town for,” he asks, “I’d love for you to meet TJ and Mari--

“I dunno,” she says because it’s true enough she’s able to look him in the eye, “I’m on my way to babysit for my sister but maybe I’ll catch you later.”

And, in two weeks, she does. He’s eating at the same restaurant with his little ones, his dress shirt sleeves rolled up as he cuts their food and wipes the toddler’s face. Elena says, “Por fin te veo,” with a smile that says _I snitched in that Black Diaspora_ kind of way. 

“Em,” Ned says, “please, join us.”

“I couldn’t--she says disquieted by the obligation.

“You said if I catch you later?”

She takes a deep breath and takes a seat across from him. His oldest narrows her eyes at her while TJ is all giggles and bright eyes. “I knew your dad in high school,” she begins to tell the older one. 

“Mari’s used to your face,” Ned says, “she sees it a lot at work, you know.”

“So you work for Stark Industries.”

Ned nods as he takes a forkful of Dominican root vegetables. 

“Nice!” she says, “Living the dream.”

“Yeah,” he says when his mouth’s not full, “it’s been really great. Great daycare in the office for TJ here and Mari’s school is not that far.”

Elena brings out MJ’s order, on a house plate, despite MJ ordering to go. MJ smiles at her and Elena winks. _Shit,_ she thinks to herself, _where’s that transatlantic black solidarity?_

“You’re still here?” he asks. 

She nods, “I actually work as a counselor specializing in post-blip integration and my sister needed me here longer so I transferred.”

Ned looks up at her, narrows his eyes. She feels exposed, but he shrugs in response and continues, “Stark Industries has invested a great deal of time and energy working with various governments to serve those who still haven’t recovered, and who better than you--

“Sorry,” she says, “for lying.”

“Daddy,” the older one says, “what did she lie about? You said lying is bad unless it’s to keep people safe--

“She was,” Ned said smoothing his hand over his daughter’s jet black hair, “Mari, Michelle is very good with secrets. The best really.”

“Really?” Mari asked shifting the way she looked at MJ.

Ned nods, “she takes care of a lot of people because not everyone is as lucky as we are.”

Mari nods and goes back to her rice. 

“I was in Oakland before,” MJ explains, “my sister’s youngest is about TJ’s age.”

Ned nods, “Elena told me, _she’s_ not so good at keeping secrets…”

“I caught that,” MJ deadpanned tapping her plate.

“But I get it,” Ned says, “I just miss my friend,” he admits, “and I was bummed you couldn’t be there with us, at the wedding, but I understand.”

“I missed my friend too Edward Leeds,” she said reaching out his hand, “a man of discretion and integrity and good games of Uno.”

“Uno?” Mari pipes in, “I love playing Uno with Aunt May and Uncle Happy.”

“Mari,” Ned interrupts, “finish your food and then we can talk about games.”

“Yes, Daddy,” she says taking in a deep breath. 

They eat in silence avoiding the obvious subject to the best of their ability and promise to catch up again soon, maybe drinks with him and Betty.

She walks them home, TJ a delight in her arms, and Mari chatting away about school and her friends and recess. 

“Betty will be glad you’re here, Michelle,” Ned says as they arrive to his stoop. 

“It’ll be good to catch up with her,” MJ says, “give her a hug for me.”

“Of course,” Ned says, “doctors!”

“Yeah,” MJ smiles.

Despite the distance, she walks home, frustrated she didn’t dress for a cool Brooklyn night, and cries herself to sleep to be awoken by her alarm clock. Grief be damned, she got dressed and went to join Pepper at Brooklyn Park. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think. I love MJ and Leeds together. I hope you do too!


	3. Grief be damned?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Oh, good,” Pepper says with a smile as they pause taking in the cite of evergreen Central Park, “he doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to so I just know he’s glad to have someone who understands what he carries, even if you don’t talk about it.”  
> MJ nods, “Same here,” she says, “Everyday I learn more about the civilian distanced from the Infinity veterans and...they’re having the same struggles as before they disappeared with the added weight of what disappearing and then reappearing did...had an intern who hadn’t blipped talk about compassion fatigue. After more than a decade, training doesn’t prepare us, not in the way that knowing and meeting veterans has for me, at least. It’s nice to have someone who understands that. How knowing and not being able to talk about it sets us apart all the while giving us tools to live in the world now.”

It takes hints of New York summer, or early June, to talk to Pepper about running into and spending time with Ned. As they climbed the boulders in the middle of Central Park, MJ admitted, “I’ve been hanging with Ned and his family for a while now.”

“Yeah?” Pepper asked, “how’s that?”

“It’s good to have my friend back,” she admits, “we avoid obvious topics and I have a new niece and nephew which is great.”

“Oh, good,” Pepper says with a smile as they pause taking in the cite of evergreen Central Park, “he doesn’t have a lot of people to talk to so I just know he’s glad to have someone who understands what he carries, even if you don’t talk about it.”

MJ nods, “Same here,” she says, “Everyday I learn more about the civilian distanced from the Infinity veterans and...they’re having the same struggles as before they disappeared with the added weight of what disappearing and then reappearing did...had an intern who hadn’t blipped talk about compassion fatigue.After more than a decade, training doesn’t prepare us, not in the way that knowing and meeting veterans has for me, at least. It’s nice to have someone who understands that. How knowing and not being able to talk about it sets us apart all the while giving us tools to live in the world now.”

“I hear you,” Pepper says, “Carol’s reports are not as bad as they were when you left but new insights into technology and intergalactic relations and the whole shield around the world is...well--

MJ nods, “Exhausting.”

Pepper gives a short smile and they head back down, finishing the rest of their jog in silence. 

MJ takes in the sights and sounds of the city that never sleeps, and heads to change at work shortly after they part from each other. 

Integrating Ned into her life over the past couple months wasn’t easy. She couldn’t explain to her sister why they were estranged and she respected the bro code that she was so invested the boys maintain. In a lot of ways, he was helping her rewrite the meaning of her leaving. She didn’t have to lose everyone and everything from high school. She could reinvent those relationships like she had reinvented her relationship with her family. They were allies in a struggle they didn’t have to name. 

For TJ’s third birthday, with fair warning of no awkward run ins, she arrives at the Brooklyn Park playground with an eco-friendly gift in hand, in a summer dress and hair plaited around her head like a crown. She’s there more to see Betty than TJ, who’s running around with cousins and day care friends on arrival at the picnic site. Betty, Ned’s college sweetheart, greets MJ with a hug, “Thank you so much, Em,” she says taking the gift. 

“Do you need a hand with anything?” MJ asks, “I’m probably the only--

“Sure,” Betty says, “I need to bring some order to the gift table and…”

MJ acts as Betty's assistant as the other attendees are parents, grandparents with children, keeping watch. Ned barbecues pork, chicken and wrapped tempeh for Em. He made the gesture that she could bring her nieces Cheryl and Zora but MJ says they have plans, though really feeling it too soon to reintegrate more people from her multiple lives together. 

She helps serve the kids and sits with Betty talking about careers in health care and how much more could be done if the government internalized the humility of the blip like others had.  _ This feels normal,  _ she thinks to herself,  _ and normal is good.  _ Being the one who helps affords her evading awkward conversations about marriage, kids and where she’s been. She’s able to make enough small talk about the joy of being back in New York without having to explain why she left or hear undesired updates about people with whom she no longer engages. 

“Anybody else need cake,” she asks as Betty hands her another piece. With no response, she takes it for herself and has a seat, elated with the sound of children's laughter overpowering adult chatter. 

“MJ,” Ned calls out with a panicked look.

“Yeah?” she looks at him confused. 

“I didn’t--I mean--

She follows his eyes to spot May and Peter walking from their parked car. She swallows hard gives him a nod and tries to find a way to leave undetected.

“It’s fine,” MJ says waving her hand, “the key is to not--

“Michelle?” May calls out.

MJ freezes where she stands, “shit,” she hisses. 

“Oh,” Ned says walking towards her, “hi, May, I thought you weren’t--

“Peter has one nephew and he can’t miss birthdays,” May said hugging Ned, “no matter what, so I made sure he showed up, even if late...”

MJ stands in place, not sure what to do because it’s May. May who understood and May who still grieved and May who tried to maintain contact. 

“Is that you, Michelle?” May asks tapping her shoulder. 

MJ swallows hard and turns around. “You know you can call me MJ, May.”

May beams hair a little grayer, glasses a little thicker, “Shock led to forgetting,” May says giving her a hug and it’s all MJ can do to not cry. She missed those hugs. She kept her eyes closed during most of it, not wanting to see his face or hear his voice. 

“That’s okay,” MJ says straightening up from the hug, “it’s good to see you.”

“Uncle Happy couldn’t make it because…”

“He told me,” Ned said, “we still have rice, lumpia and chicken, Betty will gladly make you a plate.”

“Thanks, hun,” May says patting his arm. 

They’re standing there for what seems like hours until Ned says, “I didn’t think you were going to be here, Pete.”

“My aunt insisted,” Peter sighs keeping his eyes on Ned, swallowing hard, “and she’s right. I shouldn’t miss my nephew’s party.”

“Well,” MJ says, “I have to go pick something up for my nieces, Ned, I’ll catch you later.”

“Bye, Em,” Ned says, “I’ll just tell Betty--

“Thanks,” she says tipping her head goodbye and walking towards leaving the park. 

She was as grateful for Peter’s silence as she was for May’s hug. Her tears betrayed her when she got home, however, and Pepper’s international meeting gave her a reason to stay in bed for the rest of that Sunday. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Working on the Peter whump, I promise. I posted the first three chapters at once so you'd know he was alive, at least. Let me know what you think.   
> Thanks, as always, for visiting!


	4. Being Civil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What about me?” MJ says stirring the ice in her glass.  
> “You’ve been here two years since you finished your degree and, I wonder…”  
> “Nope,” MJ said, “don’t.”  
> “You still?”  
> MJ threw her arms up, “Don’t ask me to say it, Righ.”  
> “Love may change directions, Em,” Riley says, “but it never dies.”
> 
> or seeing Peter again does a number on MJ, it's getting harder to avoid unwanted run-ins...

August humidity brought with it more afternoons on her sister’s stoop, braiding her oldest niece, Zora’s hair and long emails from Morgan about how much more of the world she needed to see to unlearn colonizer tendencies. She told her sister that she had run into Ned which led to a difficult run-in with Peter and that she was “finally letting herself grieve choices she made out of fear and exhaustion.” 

On a night Marcus didn’t have to take on a late shift, Righ took MJ out for a girls’ night. They arrive at a hipster bar where they are not the only people who look like them and Righ orders them a round of moscow mules. “You legit disappeared that spring, MJ,” Riley says, “I knew you were going through shit and your decision to up and the move was--

“Unexpected.”

Riley nods, “Yeah,” adding, “I mean, I get it, you’d been in one city for your whole life and you wanted to see what it would be like on your own. We all go through that…”

“I don’t regret it,” MJ says taking a sip of her mule, “I wish I had done it under different circumstances.” 

Riley takes a sip of her mule and shrugs in response. MJ waits for one because she knows she just didn’t walk away from Peter.

“I still don’t understand what it feels like to miss five years of the world,” Riley says, “and once I got settled into my life, it was great to build a  _ friendship  _ with you, not just be sisters...I think it made sense to be in the world with those like you, you know, who lost so much--but you were really good about not trying to get stuck, and shit happens.”

MJ nods, “I am sorry I wasn’t there for you and Z--

Riley shakes her head, “you had to live your life, Em--

“I could have lived it here,” MJ says.

“Whatever you were going through,” Riley says, “you needed to start new. You didn’t want anyone seeing you like how you were. I assume the ships in the sky just reminded you of what blipping was like.”

MJ nods and takes in a deep breath. “I wanted to be around people who didn’t know whether I blipped,” MJ admits, “and it was nice. I mean, it would come up in conversation given my birth certificate and all that, but...it wasn’t my every day. Seeing the people I ghosted is just...stirring up feelings.”

“Oh,” Riley chuckled taking another sip of her drink, “feelings.”

MJ laughed. As they continued talking about lessons learned about themselves given their life changes and how they came to terms with them. “I waited to have kids,” Riley said, “as you know, not only because he was in med school but because we wanted to know who we were together before kids changed things...parenting has given us different things to love about each other,” Riley then asks, “what about you?”

“What about me?” MJ says stirring the ice in her glass. 

“You’ve been here two years since you finished your degree and, I wonder…”

“Nope,” MJ said, “don’t.”

“You still?”

MJ threw her arms up, “Don’t ask me to say it, Righ.”

“Love may change directions, Em,” Riley says, “but it never dies.”

They stay through the night, closing the bar, taking a cab home. On arriving MJ sleeps on her sister’s couch, committing to pancakes and eggs for breakfast, invested in letting the love in her life that cherished do what it could to heal the hole in her heart years after she walked away from Peter, hadn’t healed. 

As the first Postdoctoral Fellow for Re-Integration Services, she had to go to its autumn fundraiser being held in the Stark Industries ballroom. She didn’t really have a choice. Luckily, a couple more girls’ nights with her sister and a complete set of matching soup mugs had given her enough strength to risk running into Peter and whomever he decided to bring. 

She dressed in burgundy, a floor-length dress she didn’t pick up at a consignment store, and wore her hair blowed out and down, sweeping her back. That meant she had to put in a great deal of styling cream, so that the humidity of the night didn’t bring frizzies around her face. 

Ned and Betty let her be their third wheel and promised to run interference if Peter was too much. 

They told her he was bringing a date, which left an icky feeling in her heart, but they couldn’t tell her who. Ned felt like he was arriving in style, “I’ll have two of the most beautiful women with me,” he said as he held out each arm for each of them, “the envy of the night.”

“You’re a good bro, Leeds,” MJ said.

“I may be neutral,” Ned said squeezing her arm, “but I’m not losing you again.”

“Agreed,” Betty joked. 

On walking in, MJ blended in with one-percenters, laughing at how surprised she’d be at the person she’d become in 10 years. Someone who could exist in such a space without worrying about invisible or visible she was. “I’m so glad your sister agreed to help us tonight,” Betty said as they found their table, “and it’s so great because our kids are the same age--

“I know,” MJ said, “I am finally feeling settled in and home again. I always wanted to be surrounded by kids.”

Betty smiles and MJ is impressed the twang of grief doesn’t hit her like it used to. That was the plan, then, kids after getting established in their careers. But she wouldn’t have it any other way, she loved herself enough to accept her choice had been the best for her. She wanted to be MJ to herself and for herself. If that meant being on her own, then she was just fine with that. 

As she took in the room, internalizing how not out of place she felt, she unintentionally catches Peter walking in with a brunette and, as the two entered the hall, MJ could make out a dolled up Morgan Stark, looking like the best combo of Tony Stark and Pepper Potts DNA. On meeting eyes, Morgan broke from Peter’s arm and made a beeline for MJ. MJ stood up in the response, looking down until she could hear Morgan squealing. They hug each other, “Hey sis,” Morgan she said squeezing MJ. When they parted, Morgan checked her out and said, “you’re looking fierce!”

“Thanks, MO,” MJ said grinning from ear to ear, “I’m sure you know Ned and his wife Betty.”

“Of course,” she said as she bent down to hug them both, “I wanted to surprise you that I was back in town and--

“We’ll catch up soon,” MJ said, “and you clean up nicely yourself.”

Morgan rolled her eyes, laughed and said, “I’ll see you later.”

MJ, Ned, and Betty had a good time with the coworkers and dates at their table, swapping stories of being on the outskirts of Stark grandeur and sharing recommendations of the best local spots for food and art in the city. MJ took to peopling in ways that, whenever she looked at Ned, surprised him. As others got up to dance, he made a point to tell her, “I would have never thought the young woman who called me loser so long ago would be able to talk it up with some of the most boring of my coworkers.”

“I’ve learned how to bring out the best in people, Leeds,” she says leaning back in her chair. 

“Yeah,” a familiar voice says, “you always have.”

She turns to see Peter behind her, his hand on her chair. 

“Betty,” Ned says after a beat, “let’s go dance.”

Betty makes a face that nonverbally apologizes, MJ guesses, as Peter takes Ned’s chair. 

MJ gives them both the finger when they turn to smile at her. 

She tips her head and keeps her eyes on the other tables and the people on the dance floor as Peter starts talking. .

“Summer went by fast, huh?”

She nods slowly leaning far from him as he leaned forward on the table.

“Time is treating you well, Parker.”

“Same goes for you, Michelle,” he says, “thank you for letting me say hi.”

She turns her eyes to him briefly and says, “I think we can be civil.”

He rubs his neck, “Civil,” and takes a deep breath, “yeah, we can.”

When he meets her eyes, she darts down to his hand and says, “Nice wedding ring.”

“Oh,” he chuckles and takes it off, “I wear this to keep people from asking,” he explains taking it off. “It’s a good way to keep people from asking me out…”

“Oh,” she says taking in a deep breath.  _ I’m too relieved and he’s going to pick up on my heartbeat.  _

“I’m Ned’s boss now,” he says lifting his head to the crowd, “which is weird.”

“That  _ is  _ weird,” MJ says. 

“It’s only because he didn’t want the promotion, TJ was on his way, so…”

MJ nods taking in Peter’s slouching form next to her. “Sacrifice for the fam?”

“The right decision,” Peter says meeting her eyes again, “Ned was better at priorities…”

“I’m still gonna kill ‘im later,” MJ says leaning back in her chair.

Peter laughs, “He told me that if you objected to me as soon as you saw me, he’d insist I leave,” running his fingers through his hair, “because you didn’t, he didn’t.” 

“Switzerland, huh?”

“He doesn’t want to divide Mari’s birthday between us,” Peter explains twirling the decoy wedding ring again, “and if we can’t be in the same place, then I won’t--I won’t go.”

She scans his persona, crossing her arms. She spots something black peeking from his shirt cuff, “What’s that on your wrist?”

“Oh,” he said turning bright red. He unbuttoned the cuff and revealed a Black Dahlia tattoo “I got two birthdays ago, Ned came with me. Just broke up with Ryan and...yeah.”

“Lucy didn’t spark any tattoos,” MJ joked uncrossing her arms and tracing the rim of her glass, “just a long vacation with days I hadn’t used…”

“Okoye told me you had gone to visit,” Peter said. 

“I haven’t been as good about keeping touch since I’ve been back,” MJ admits, “I should call them…” 

She brings her glass to her lips, tasting the watering down of her soda. She lifts her eyes to look to him again. He’s rested his head on his fist, his watery eyes directed at her, a small sad smile spread across his face. She holds the gaze with her own eyes until she feels her own tears knocking under cheeks. 

“It’s good to see you MJ.,” he says as he gets up. 

“You, too, Pete,” she says when he’s in normative earshot away, grateful for waterproof mascara as she blinks her tears away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it. Working on the next chapter, who knows what will happen?! ;)


	5. Mari's birthday party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Morgan says I’m a spoiled brat,” Peter chuckles, “and the weepiest of all of us.”  
> “She’s not wrong,” MJ says smiling, “I guess you avoid these things the same reason I go into auntie mode at most kids’ birthdays…”  
> “Huh?” he asks tucking a lock behind his ear.   
> She shakes her head and says, “Never mind,” adding, “it’d be a good idea that we not go into together, you know.”  
> “Right,” Peter said, “I’ll take a walk around the block--a slow one--and you go first.”
> 
> or Mari Leeds's birthday gives Peter and MJ more time to be...civil (or flirt?)

For Mari’s birthday, MJ arrives within minutes of Peter parking his car. She lives close enough to walk and she spots him exiting, box in hand. They smile at each other, “You came?” he asked. 

“We can be civil,” she answered, “I think we’re that mature.”

“Morgan says I’m a spoiled brat,” Peter chuckles, “and the weepiest of all of us.”

“She’s not wrong,” MJ says smiling, “I guess you avoid these things the same reason I go into auntie mode at most kids’ birthdays…”

“Huh?” he asks tucking a lock behind his ear. 

She shakes her head and says, “Never mind,” adding, “it’d be a good idea that we  _ not  _ go into together, you know.”

“Right,” Peter said, “I’ll take a walk around the block--a slow one--and you go first.”

She nods and watches him walk away. It’s a bittersweet sight and as she sees him round the corner, she’s annoyed that he probably caught her watching him. 

He arrives a good ten minutes later, hair a little more tousled than when she ran into him.  _ Probably stopped a robbery or something  _ she thinks to herself, as she navigates catching up with people she saw at September’s gala or TJ’s party that past summer. After cakes, gifts, dinner and chit chat, she finds herself standing next to Peter, a glass of white wine in her hand, talking about how Morgan has grown up over the years. “Hey, Betty,” Michelle calls out as the last guest with children leave, “you need help cleaning up?”

Betty rubs her eyes and shakes her head no, “you’ve been a godsend, Em, and Peter washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen so…”

“Then I should go, too,” she says setting her glass down, “I’ll wash this and then say bye to Ned.”

“He’s in the back,” Peter said. 

MJ nods, takes her glass to the kitchen, washes it and hangs in the rack above the sink before going outside to give Ned a good-bye hug. 

When she walks back in, Peter has her jacket and relays a message Betty left with him, “she’s sorry, the girls were calling out for her so she can’t say bye…”

“Thanks,” she says taking her jacket from him, “and for the message, too.”

They help themselves out the door, Peter following MJ down the stairs. “I can give you a ride,” he offers.

“I rather walk,” MJ says putting on her jacket, “but you can walk me--unless you have somewhere you have to be.”

“I don’t,” he says with a bounce in his toes. 

_ Predictable Peter,  _ she thinks to herself. 

As they start walking, Peter begins to ask, “so, you live on your own then?”

She shakes her head no, “I live in a garden apartment in my sister’s brownstone,” she explains. “She was having a difficult second pregnancy and I was able to transfer back here fairly easily thanks to the fellowship. Luckily Cheryl came out just fine,” she says shoving her hands in her pockets, “I don’t wanna move because their laughter and voices just…”

“I felt the same way when Mari was born,” Peter says, “every time I came by to visit, the way she looked at me just....”

“Their sense of wonder is just,” MJ says with a smile, “intoxicating.”

“Yeah,” Peter says, “Ned and Betty were great, considering…I wasn’t the best friend when Betty was pregnant with TJ.”

“Hmm,” MJ hummed, not sure of what to say.

“Pretty sure he told you--

“I made a point not to ask,” MJ says keeping her eyes ahead of her. She didn’t need another reason to hurt for his hurt. 

“Oh,” Peter said, bowing his head. 

“I did lie to him when we first ran into each other at my favorite neighborhood spot,” she confesses, “and then Elena, the owner, ratted me out by the next time I ran into him there.”

“Ouch!” 

“She was  _ not  _ a good bro,” MJ laughed her hands coming out of her pockets, “but I love their food so they didn’t lose my service.”

As they walked, their hands almost brushed each other like they had when walking in Prague a couple of times. Neither of them made a sound but she crossed her arms and he shoved his hands in his pockets. 

When they arrive in front of her sister’s a decision she weighed by taking a scenic route, he comments, “This took longer than twenty minutes,” looking at his watch. 

“I was testing myself,” MJ confesses, “see how long I could be alone with you and not freak out.”

“And?”

“It’s still weird,” she admits, “but the only way out of the grief is through it,” she says with a deep breath, “and I can’t not go through it unless I don’t want Ned or Betty in my life. I was thinking about that in my silence, being better for Ned and Betty.”

“Oh,” Peter said looking up at her. She could tell he was searching her face, “yeah. I had to do a lot of groveling with Ned. He was almost as mad at me as you were…”

“He’s a good bro,” MJ said with a shrug. 

“The best,” Peter said taking a step back. 

“So,” she said twisting her keys in her hand, “‘let’s figure this out.”

“For Ned?” he asks meeting her eyes. 

“Yeah,” she said taking a reluctant step away from him, “You think Betty was really tired and the girls were calling her without a plot?”

“Aww, man,” Peter said shaking his head.. 

“Yeah,” MJ said parting from him, “Goodnight, dork.”

“Goodnight,” he says watching her walk into her apartment. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this fic is how I'm prepping for low-key holiday season :) let me know what you think <3


	6. Strong enough

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes MJ two weeks to follow up with Peter. A conversation years in the making...maybe ;)

She waits a couple more weeks to reach out to him, at work, about the conversation she proposed after Mari’s birthday. She calls Stark Industries and asks the operator for him. “This is Peter,” he says when she answers the phone.

“Hey, this is MJ,” she says, “I wanted to see when you were free for that conversation.”

“Pretty flexible,” he answers taking a deep breath, “I have the afternoon pretty clear and the weekend’s open.”

“I’m still at work,” she says, “well, on a break, but I can do later today.”

“You wanna come over here or…”

“Someplace where we can talk about discrete things probably,” she said. “Neutral territory…”

“Come down here,” he suggests playing with the phone cord, “no one will be in the lounge and…”

“Not that far from work, I’ll see you after 5?”

“Sounds good,” he says trying to contain the joy from his voice. 

She rides the train from Brooklyn Heights to the Upper East Side, where Stark Industries is located. It’s a routine train ride, although, this time, she’s heading to see a person she’s been avoiding for years. She takes in a deep breath, grateful she’d worn a turtleneck and slacks that day, with her hair in a stylized bun on top of her head. She didn’t bother to update her makeup and only tucked a few fly aways behind her ear when she made it to the building. 

The security guard knew her by name and face, which allowed her to enter with only a signature and no small talk. She took the elevator to the 20th floor, where Peter said to meet her. She turned right on exiting the elevator, following the arrows to the lounge/dining hall. 

She’d been there a couple times before, to help Morgan with high school applications, but then it was filled with suits and techies. As she walked in that early evening, there was a lone barista cleaning up the counter by the register. “I’ll have an herbal tea, please,” she requested on arriving. “Mint or Chamomile would be fine.”

“Sure thing,” the barista says, “Mister Parker said to charge to his tab.”

“Thanks,” she answers. “Is he here?”

The barista nods, “he told me to tell you he’d be right back.”

She takes one of the empty tables, near the window, taking in the view of autumn painting color on Central Park. She’d run there with Pepper that morning, the cold air felt cool in her lungs, giving her a sense of clarity with which she approached the rest of the day. It was a sunny autumn day and views like the one she had reminded her of why she loves New York so much. “Hey,” he says snapping her out of her daze. 

She stands up and smiles, saying, “Hi,” before realizing she’s being awkward so she sits back down. 

She watches him shake hands with the barista, green passing between their hands, before the barista leaves them alone as the only two people in the room. She takes in Peter in navy dress slacks and a periwinkle dress shirt with sleeves rolled up to the elbows, loosened tie and she has to admit to herself that he’s still pretty. 

“Perks of being in leadership?” she asks as he walks head down to her table. 

He looks up and shrugs, “I figured it was a good idea to let them leave so as to not incriminate them. Pretty discreet, but I figured one-on-one would be good.”

“Public place in case I throw anything?” she jokes.

“I didn’t think there was a reason to worry,” he says taking in a deep breath, “ _ should  _ I be worried?”

She shakes her head no, gulping. “I think enough time has passed that I am not that angry.”

“Good,” he says sitting down and crossing his arms, “good.”

Their eyes held each other for a minute, neither of them sure who should start. 

They both say, “I just wanted to say--” before their echo interrupts them and then she takes the floor. 

“I’m sorry,” she offers biting her lip, “I shouldn’t have been weird at TJ’s party but I wasn’t expecting to see you.”

“Yeah, no,” he offers, leaning back in his chair, hands folded into each other, “May insisted. I didn’t know there was a possibility of you being there.”

“Ned’s a good friend,” she says looking down, “and I’m sorry I put him in that place, again…”

“You did what you felt you had to do,” Peter says, his leg beginning to twitch. “Then and before--

“I was pretty dramatic and abrupt,” she interrupts, “Despite all the work I’ve done, I still struggle with being vulnerable about--.”

“Em,” he interrupts, reaching for her hand. He stops himself short, continuing to speak using her first name, “Michelle, it was a shitty situation and a shitty year for all of us...” 

“Yeah,” she says, her heart twisting in her chest.  _ This really sucks,  _ she tells herself,  _ I don’t know what I want from this anymore.  _

“You felt undervalued,” Peter says, reflecting on one of the saddest moments in his life, “it sucks and  _ I’m  _ sorry.”

“Thanks,” she says, “and  _ I’m sorry... _ all that time by myself I felt consumed by waiting…”

“Waiting?”

She nods eyes fixated on a random spot on the table in front of her. “I lost myself in the waiting…”

“Oh,” Peter says raising his hands to pinch either side of his forehead, He started repeating the mantra he and Dr. Strange had begun when he had to come to terms with the price of his choices.  _ I respect my commitment to others; it’s a part of who I am, no matter who I lose in the process, and those who love me will never ask me to choose.  _ He hates the mantra, and despite taking in her nervous heartbeat, the work to be vulnerable hurts, thinking about May handing him the ring after physical therapy. Too much time passed to give weight to what MJ had told May that day. “They told me, Ned and May and...I--

“I wasn’t honest with myself,” MJ says, her voice softening, “I wasn’t honest about what your responsibility meant to you; how unrealistic I was about what I was asking--

“You weren’t being unrealistic,” he said taking a deep breath, clearing his throat, he admits,”as your boyfriend, I should have been more honest about what about this was growing in importance for me. I didn’t tell you enough--

“As your fiance,” she interjected, “I should have respected you enough to tell you what I was going through; to explain how much the blip was still shaking me.”

“Shakes me, too,” he breathes. As relieving as unloading was, dormant and hurt were emerging alongside the realization that and then, realizing what he did clears his throat because he’s not going to get watery eyed like he did at the fundraiser. After a couple minutes of silent sniffling he says, “I am so sorry I hurt you, Em, that was the last thing--

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she says resting her hand on his arm, “and thank you for taking the time.”

He nods. “I guess I needed this, too,” he says blinking. 

He looks up at her standing form, he can hear her heart racing. Standing up, he finds himself a foot away, tempted to close the distance. 

The tears she refused to cry in front of him come as soon as she gets on the train home. After a couple days of crying herself to sleep, her life goes back to routine. Morning runs with Pepper; weekly lunches with Morgan which now took place on Saturday. Dinners with the Leeds’ every other Sunday and time with her Riley’s squad whenever she doesn’t want to be alone. 

None of that fills the hole that missing Peter left in her heart. 


	7. Masks off (Halloween)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...grabbing the bag of remaining individual serving M&M’s, “you want some? She offers, holding the bag out to him.   
> “Thanks,” he says grabbing a couple of small brown bags.   
> “I don’t remember the last time someone stopped by to just say hi, Parker.”  
> “Well,” he says twirling his mask in his hands, “I wanted to ask you something that just occurred to me.”  
> “What?” she asks grabbing her mug of tea from the coffee table and standing against the kitchen counter, providing her enough space between them.

MJ offers to stay home and give away candy as Riley takes her girls out trick or treating. She’s tickled by Cheryl being in a wasp costume, while Z insists on being a Valkyrie again. She sends Ned the photos of them before they walk out, receiving a picture of wasp and Spider-Man leaving his home.

As the families die down, and her sister returns with exhausted girls, she helps her sister put them to bed before taking the remaining candy down to her apartment. “Thanks,” Riley says, “the last thing they need is more sugar!” 

MJ laughs, “all the more for me. Goo’night, Righ.”

“Goodnight, Em,” she says as she hugs her. 

On entering into her apartment, she turns on all the lights, starts the electric kettle before going into the shower to wash off the smell of being outside. Halloween night was eerily warm that year, MJ thinks to herself as the water pours down on her. On getting out, she throws on her pj’s of choice, her NYU sweats, and fixes herself a cup of tea before sitting on her couch with Nicole Dennis-Benn’s  _ Patsy.  _ Three chapters in, she hears a tap on her window. She turns to see a grown-up Spider-Man waving at her. 

“What are you doing here?” she asks turning on the front outdoor lamp to get a better view. 

“I was in the neighborhood,” Parker says, “stopping by to say hi...”

She rolls her eyes at him before unlocking the front door. On letting him in, she pulls down the window shades...“Were you behind TJ’s outfit?”

Peter takes off his mask and chuckles, “No, that was all Betty.”

MJ smiles, laughing a little. “They’re too adorable...Z was a Valkyrie again…”

“Hmm,” Peter hummed as he took a seat on MJ’s armchair, “No Halloween party?”

She shakes her head no, grabbing the bag of remaining individual serving M&M’s, “you want some? She offers, holding the bag out to him. 

“Thanks,” he says grabbing a couple of small brown bags. 

“I don’t remember the last time someone  _ stopped by  _ to just say hi, Parker.”

“Well,” he says twirling his mask in his hands, “I wanted to ask you something that just occurred to me.”

“What?” she asks grabbing her mug of tea from the coffee table and standing against the kitchen counter, providing her enough space between them. 

“Ned and me talking about costumes and your pictures and I was wondering,” he asks turning his gaze from the mask in his hand to her face, “if you knew about yours? Your suit?”

“What suit?”

“We made you a suit,” he says returning his gaze to his mask still twirling in his hand, “we were grappling with Captain Marvel’s warnings about the Kree and trying to rally with the guardians of the galaxy and we were making a series of suits that weren’t ready by the time we left, one for Kate and,” he adds looking up at her, “one for you.”

“MJ’s shoulders slacken and she feels her knees get weak. 

“Pepper’s was a pretty good prototype but I didn’t want to have you, you know, need to ever take off the helmet so I was looking through Iron Man prototypes and...” he explains, “so when Ned and I were talking, he said he forgot to tell you that and he apologized for being so fixated on all the changes going on in his life to not tell you and he didn’t really think I’d let you go up there so he didn't see the big deal...that got me to thinking…”

She gulps and walks to the electric kettle to refill her tea mug. 

“Me leaving without telling you because there wasn’t time and Ned telling you for me, which was horrible and definitely worthy of a shouting match once I’d gotten better,” he continues to explain getting up from the seat and walking towards her, “but I kept my promise of making you a suit if there was ever a need to leave the planet--

“Why are you telling me this now, Parker?” she asks turning around, watching him move past the counter stools and into the kitchen area. . 

“I wasn’t in the condition, any condition to follow you,” he begins to say, “and I, I know you were scared about how I returned. And I know we were all in different places of recovery, of reintegrating, of building new lives and adjusting to changes and you’d gone so long without sleeping or eating well and that was hard to hear because I never wanted that--and I couldn’t let them go without me, my webs helped Kate not fall to her death and so I,” he says shooting his finger up in the air, “and you left before I could explain…”

She takes a sip of her tea and as he moves closer, she slides farther into the corner, leaving the mug in her mouth so as to not incriminate herself. When she’s gained some distance between them, she asks, trying her best to control the tremor in her voice, “Why are you telling me this now, Pete?”

“Because being near you is hard,” Peter admits leaning against the fridge, “and I’ve been working to piece together what was really going on and you were so quick, so quick to think I would--

“How was I supposed to know or act on any of this?!.”

“Because you were supposed to trust me!” He shouts, the pressure of tears beginning to build under his eyes, “you were long gone by the time I woke up. No calls, no notes, nothing, and I was devastated,” he said unwilling to hide the sob choking his throat, “you went across the country, changed your number and I was angry, angry to think that you didn’t--

“You should have tried harder,” she defended slamming her mug on the counter and crossing her arms, “you could have found me, you always had the means…

“Your leaving said enough and you hate surveillance, Em!”

“So?! I was still affiliated with Sheild and working with Wakandans, it’s not like I was hard to find” MJ yelled flailing her arms, “you can chase aliens through the galaxy but not me,” she cried, “fight muggers, and crime syndicates and technology-literate socio-paths, but you couldn’t chase me?!”

“You said,” he yelled back, “you said you’d be there--here--

“You said you wouldn’t leave the planet--

“There was a crisis, Em,” he defends, voice still raised, “And I thought...I thought you’d give me the benefit of the doubt because you...you said you knew what you signed up for. Every time I got scared,” he sobbed, “every time I came back home sliced and bruised and--you said you knew what  _ you  _ signed up for and the one time--the one time I messed up, you just,” he catches the sob in his throat and weeps, “you just leave!”

They stare down at each other, faces wet with tears. Frozen in place, she doesn’t know what to say. Thinking back to her conversation with May, she can’t be mad at him for not forgiving her. At least not enough to close the space between them. At the first unintended test of loyalty, she broke. As she’s searching her heart for the words to make the pain go away, he speaks through another sob to tell her, “You should have trusted me,” tears falling from his eyes as he continues, “because all that, all that you’re saying about chasing you sounds like a test, a test I didn’t know how to study for--

“I’d have never forgiven myself,” she whispers, her body sore with remorse and defeat, “I’d have never forgiven myself if I died before you came back.” She wipes her nose with the back of her arm and there’s no controlling the tears falling from her face, “I had never seen you that bloody, never seen you not wake up after a day a two and I couldn’t,” she said sobbing and turning away from him, “Leaving was all I could do because I...,” MJ blinks hard as the tears fall faster than the word she’s trying to put together.

“Because you what?” He demands, pushing his hand down his face, exhausted by the hurt opening up between them. 

“I couldn’t, I couldn’t save you,” she answers, blinking the tears from her eyes and working her hardest to pull herself together, “like the Kree stole my right to try, and now I gotta process that I’m an asshole,” she chuckles wiping the tears on her face. “And I abandoned you blinded my own fears, breaking my promise to you because seeing you there,” she says pointing out and moving back, “I close my eyes and I see it and I--,” she starts sobbing, “I had to leave because I didn’t want you to see what waiting had done to me; I didn’t want you to when you were...and I couldn’t--I hated myself for, I wanted you back, I wanted you here, and I--MJ’s sobs shake her. Propping herself on the counter is all she can do to hold herself up. 

“Aww,” Peter says, voice soft as he tries to decrease the space between them, “Em.”

“Don’t,” she sobs straightening up, turning around to see him inches from her. Walking backward to sustain the distance between them she warns, “don’t be nice to me right now. I wouldn’t--

“You told me I didn’t chase you then,” he whispers, his voice hoarse from the yelling, walking around the counter to close the distance between them even more. “But what if I try now?” he smooths his hands over his curls and continues walking towards her, “When you gave May back the ring--

“Don’t, Parker,” she says holding her arm out in front of her, “don’t you--

“You told her you hoped I’d forgive you that when--

“Don’t,” she says plopping herself on the back of the sofa, realizing she has nowhere else to go, “Please, don’t---

“Mi vida,” he says closing the distance between them. 

She brings her hands to her face, body shuddering with her sobs. He wraps his arms around her and she cries, she cries until she doesn’t have the strength to anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I keep adding chapters! There will be just ONE more after this, I promise!! Thank you for reading and please do leave comments. :)


	8. Getting Warm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MJ's ready to date. Before she does, though, she wants to talk to her girls about it...

She wakes up, not knowing how she had gotten to bed and confused about his absence. A scrap paper next to her sketch pad reveals a note in his handwriting, _had to leave early for work, text me later..._ with his number.

 **This is my new number, Parker,** she texts him, **thanks for leaving the note.**

_Sorry._

**No need, I'd be open to talking more if...**

_Me, too._

**Call me later tonight?**

_Is there a time that's best?_

**Anytime before 10?**

_I'll see what I can do...talk soon  
_

MJ decides to return to therapy shortly after Peter’s unexpected visit. She wants to provide herself the time to make sense of how new details change the meaning of her choices. The truth she’s gained has revealed wounds she hadn’t fully healed after coming back from the blip. In trying to protect herself from being consumed by another’s person’s ambitions, she had unintentionally lost another part of herself in all she was beginning to manage. 

As she relinquishes any feigned control in her day to day life, allowing herself to be tired and sad and overwhelmed by how new information changed the meaning of what she grieved, she’s grateful for Turkey Day events that will bring her parents here and give her time with the warmth she was successful at sustaining over the years. 

As she helps her sister with green bean casserole, she confesses, “I think I’m ready to start dating again,” MJ confesses.

Riley sizes her up and says, “Finally!”

When her parents drive into the city, they get them comfortable in the guest room, MJ putting dishes away and setting up Sondra’s cooking station. She returns in the morning to help her mother with pie and sweet potato casserole. James and Marcus watch football and the girls while MJ helps Sondra cooking and cleaning. They spend the day eating, playing Spades, and scrabble before taking in a new Disney movie to prep the girls for bed. Shortly after, Sondra and James follow suit. MJ double checks that the house is clean before returning to her apartment. 

She transitions back to work begrudgingly the following week, struggling with the strain most people feel during the holidays and all the changes going on in her life. They were mostly good changes, but she struggled with coming to terms with how insecurities around having the kind of life she wanted. Spending the past few years helping other people get their lives on track didn’t mean she had done a good job with her own. She wasn’t a teenager to be keeping parts of her life apart. She had to figure out how to integrate those parts. 

She takes a week to think about it, to center herself in her thought process, before really engaging with anyone on how she thinks.

Some of those parts were going to be easy because the connections were there. Other parts had more to do with how she was going to let someone into her life without losing herself the way she had when she built her life around him. She invites Pepper to breakfast on Sunday, needing a civilian who grappled with some of the same questions running through her head. 

They arrive at 9 am, the breakfast bar fairly empty. They are given a table with a view of the busy Manhattan streets. “Thanks for joining me,” MJ said. 

“Of course,” Pepper says, “there are few people who understand the lives we lead, knowing what we know…”

“Yeah,” MJ said taking a sip of her water and looking out at the bright gray sky. “I’m going to therapy again,” she said, “as more of the past has come to light…”

“Hmm,” Pepper says, “that’s good you’re working through it. You’ve seemed a little....”

MJ shrugs, “There were aspects of my behavior that I had to come to terms with,” she admitted, “that I needed to hear--it wasn’t easy.”

“And you were so young,” Pepper said extending a hand over MJ’s, “I was about your age when I started working for Tony and we were dancing around each other for years before we finally,” Pepper pauses, taking a sip of her water, “I lived a _lot_ more of my life than you had when you got all wrapped into this. I can only imagine what it meant for you to choose both before you even went to college…”

“Thanks, Pep,” MJ said taking in a deep breath, “I’m not that much older, but I can look back and say I thought I had a good handle on rebuilding my family and building a new life that I hadn’t really…”

“Do you know why I moved back to the city?”

MJ shook her head. 

“No one would have judged me if I maintained my distance,” she said, “stayed upstate and lived a quiet life letting other people run Stark Industries. But then Morgan wouldn’t have gotten to experience her legacy; she would have chased it instead of really coming to terms with what all was left behind...she’s a great kid who doesn’t have to ask why she experienced loss so young,” Pepper said, “she always has a choice. A choice based on no secrets; I _needed_ that. I needed to not lose my kid to a ghost--

The waitress arrives to take their order. They both order the healthy egg white omelet, MJ taking in herbal tea while Pepper asks for coffee. As the waitress leaves, MJ resumes their conversation. 

“I never saw it that way,” MJ admits, “I always thought that--

“I saw what not knowing had done,” Pepper says, “I wanted a different life for my kid. And she has it. And she gets to connect with everyone he touched and he inspired,” Pepper says with a chuckle, “I can’t say filling that gap was easy, but she gets her father in everyone around us and,” Pepper says drinking her coffee, “I do, too.”

MJ takes a sip of her tea, not really knowing how to respond. She takes in the increased traffic in the restaurant, the increased bodies on the other side of the window. 

“I moved back,” Pepper clarifies, “because I joined the battle too late; I never thought I’d be willing or able until I realized,” she says with a swallow, “that I could. You got there a _lot_ faster.”

MJ turns to look at Pepper who raised her eyes from her coffee mug with a small smile.

“Did I?” MJ asks watching Pepper take a bit of her food. 

Pepper nods, swallows and adds, “Tony built me a suit I didn’t ask for,” she says, “you demanded a suit without hesitation. You may have lost some of the stuff that was just you along the way,” Pepper said, “but what we know changes us...seeing the scars and the nightmares and the grief. There’s no protecting ourselves from that,” Pepper said, “it’s a bittersweet privilege--

“And responsibility,” MJ adds as she swallows a second bite. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know what you think


	9. First date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MJ's brings a date to her niece's birthday party, with a warning: 
> 
> “Trying to butter up a three-year-old?” she says as she takes the bags.  
> “Something like that,” he says raising a corner of his mouth, “I can leave my coat here, right?” he asks taking it off and setting it on the back of a chair.  
> She nods, sets the gift bags on the counter, and says, “You know, now that you’re here early Riley’s gonna make you work--  
> “Counting on it,” he said throwing himself on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New Readers - Thank you for visiting :) I would love to hear your thoughts. 
> 
> For returning readers: This used to be the end of chapter 8 but on reading it, I caught some things that I wanted to fix. This was my favorite chapter to write and, it took a few days to catch typos and inconsistencies that I have corrected.

After Sunday dinner at the Leeds, when the kids are in bed and they’re on their third round of gin, MJ decides to tell Ned about being caught up on the unknown details of how/why she left. Ned’s relieved on hearing the news and Betty does her best to contain her excitement. “He’s been talking to me for weeks and you know how hard it is for me to keep secrets, Em,” he says over dinner. “Hopefully I can start having you both for dinner, bring back the quad squad..”

“Ned!” Betty says in feigned composure, “let them take it slow. Coming to family meals together would be a big step. She just said she’s working out the grief, we don’t know if they’re  _ dating.  _ ” 

“You’re right, hun,” he says holding her hands, “MJ, we support you in your healing process and are proud of you for sharing it with us.”

“You’re a good bro,” MJ says, “thanks.”

“It’s been great having you back here,” Betty says reaching out a hand to her, “we’ve really missed you.”

“I’ve missed you, too,” MJ says, “really.”

On her way home, she texts her sister she’s walking back and promises to check in by knocking on the door. It’s a good night for walking, the air smelling of winter and the potential for snow later on that week. With Cheryl’s birthday approaching, she considers bringing a date. 

As they get decorations for it the following weekend, MJ said, “I think I’ll bring a date this time.”

“‘Bout time,” Riley said as they drove the cart down the grocery aisle at a superstore, “I was getting worried.”

“Righ!” MJ gasps play shoving her sister. 

“Like I get not being in a relationship, but,” she says taking a beat till a cart with children passes them, “but no sex?! That’s just too much!” 

“I’m not really thinking about that,” MJ admits, “I just miss being close to someone…”

“So you have someone in mind, then ‘Chelle,” Riley says threading her arms over MJ’s, “I am proud of you for putting yourself out there again, after all these years…”

He arrives early, as in before MJ is supposed to go upstairs for the party. Clad in a wool coat, evergreen scarf, dark jeans, carrying two bags, wearing Sorrel’s and a smile, she lets him into her apartment. She takes in how gelled yet wavy his curls are. “Thanks for agreeing to be my date,” she says as she gives him space to enter her apartment.

“It’ll be good to see Riley and Marcus,” he says with a smile, and unbuttoning his coat, “and meet the girls.”

She smiles in response, adjusting the clip holding up her unstraightened hair. “These are for you,” he says offering her the lavender-colored bag, “and I picked up a plush toy for Cheryl so that I wasn’t empty-handed.”

“Trying to butter up a three-year-old, Parker?” she says as she takes the bags. 

“Something like that,” he says raising a corner of his mouth, “I can leave my coat here, right?” he asks taking it off and setting it on the back of a chair.

She nods, sets the gift bags on the counter, and says, “You know, now that you’re here early Riley's gonna make you work--

“Counting on it,” he said throwing himself on the couch. 

She turns to narrow her eyes at him, clad in a cerulean pullover sweater, cream-colored collared shirt, and dark jeans, before going back to the bathroom to finish getting ready. She’s glad she’s wearing burgundy. 

Once she’s done with her hair, she zips up her burgundy sweater over her cocoa-colored top, slides on her fugg ankle shoes. On walking out as she puts on earrings, he asks, “Can I use your restroom?”

“Sure,” she says. 

As he walks in, she grabs his coat and hangs it in her coat closet, wary of the potential pastel dust that may be lingering on her sofa and chair. 

Once he’s done, his shirt tucked in tighter than when he was sitting, they go up through her back door and knock on her sister’s back door. “Hey,” Marcus greets them, “Peter, thanks for coming.”

“Good to see you,” Peter says shaking his hand, then offers him the gift.

“Riley’s collecting them in front,” Marcus says, “I’m just here putting the finishing touches on the finger foods.”

Peter nods and goes through the kitchen looking for Riley. MJ lingers and asks, “you need anything?”

Marcus shakes his head. “No,” and adds looking at her with a smirk, “you really wanna leave him alone with Riley?”

Michelle speeds through to the front room in time to find Peter tying a decorative string around balloons. She takes a sigh of relief that Riley put him immediately to work. 

“She’s upstairs,” Peter said before she could ask about her sister, “getting the girls dressed.”

She nods and asks, “What can I do?”

They spend their time decorating the house, completing the task before Riley and her goals walk down the stairs. 

“Happy Birthday, Z!” MJ says squatting to hug her niece. 

“Thank you, Auntie ‘Chelle,” she says wrapping her small arms around her. 

MJ straightens up with her niece still in her arms and introduces her to Peter, “This is my friend, Peter,” she explains. “He went to school with Uncle Ned and me..”

“Thanks for having me, Zora,” he says offering his hand, “nice to meet you.”

The six-year-old looks at her aunt MJ before taking Peter’s hand. 

“Do you know if Marcus is done in there?” Riley, holding up Cheryl, asks MJ. 

MJ shrugs and Riley answers, “I’ll leave you with the girls,” she says handing Cheryl to Peter, “and double-check, a couple moms text me that they were looking for parking and walking here from the bus, soo…”

“Got it,” she says, “door duty.”

MJ feels Z tug on her ear, the signal to be let down. As Z’s feet land on the ground, she follows her mom to the dining room. 

“I forgot to ask if you wanted something to eat or drink,” MJ offers, opening her arms up to Cheryl. 

Cheryl, however, is giggling and tugging on both of Peter’s ears, while he makes silly faces at her, he says, “I’m good, thanks, and she’s friendly…”

“Yeah, she is,” MJ chuckles, rubbing the small of her back. 

As the guests start piling in, Peter helps takes coats and hang them up while MJ invites them to sit, older friends making their way to the kitchen and daycare based friends staying in the living room waiting for Riley to bring out cups. The kids watch movies, play games, MJ on child watch while parents spend time catching up with each other. A couple times during mediating, she catches Peter frozen staring at her instead of the kids’ feeble attempt at Twister and she matched his stare with a confused brow and a slight shake of the head as she wipes stains, fills cups and mediates competitive whining overturns. 

By the end of the night, Peter’s helping clean the living and dining rooms while Riley and Marcus take their girls to bed. The couple returned to the first floor with little evidence of the more than a dozen toddlers that were running around their house. “Did you take out the trash, too?” Marcus asks. 

Peter nods, “I forget how much work these are,” he says, “the kids looked like they had a good time.”

“Thanks,” Riley says, “really appreciate the help.”

MJ watches the interaction and scratches the back of her neck,  _ Riley’s being really good right now,  _ she thinks. 

“Well,” MJ said hugging her sister, then her brother-in-law, “anytime, sis. I’ll see you later.”

They then walk down the back stairs to her apartment. As he follows her in, she offers him something to drink. “Water’s good,” he says, “gotta clear out all that cake.”

“Yeah,” MJ chuckles unzipping her sweater and walking into her room, “my mind’s still whirring so I should probably stick to water, too.”

“Whirring?” he asks standing against the wall opposite her room’s doorway. 

“Yeah,” she says unzipping her sweater, “my sister was  _ really  _ nice to you today and  _ formal.  _ I can’t believe how comfortable Cheryl was with you.  _ ” _

“It’s been a few years,” Peter says eyeing the bag MJ hasn’t opened yet.

“Still weird,” she says hanging up her sweater in her closet, “but at least you handled chaperoning well.”

“I’d done a few of Mari’s birthdays,” Peter says crossing his arms and leaning on the bit of wall across the side of the fridge, “so I get how many hands it takes and how grateful parents are for them.”

“Yeah,” MJ says walking around him to the kitchen, “Riley lets me help out a lot and it feels...I love those girls.”

“They’re great,” Peter says smiling to himself, thinking about how adorable kids with MJ would be. 

“I know,” she says folding her hands her middle and studying the way her thumbs twirl circles around each other. “She’s real’ intuitive, that one. She’ll mean mug a stranger walking down the road like she’d beat them if she were older.”

He laughs, following her back to the living room area. With water in their hands, he takes the armchair and she stretches herself out on the couch, both unsure of how to talk to each other. They’d only managed a couple of phone conversations and a few hours long text conversations given the demands of their time. 

MJ, realizing he’s in her space, takes the lead and asks, “So,” she asks, “any plans for the rest of the holiday season?”

“The cabin after Christmas,” he says, “of course, but mostly sticking around here. What about you?”

“Staying ‘round here,” she answers taking a deep breath, “my parents were here for Turkey Day, but we do the December holidays with Marcus’s family…I sometimes buffer as his family’s bigger, with cousins and more brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews…” MJ chuckles, thinking back on the memories over the past couple of years. 

“Hmm,” he smiles, “must be nice.”

MJ nods, “It is, the girls’ cousins are really good with them and they’ve integrated me into some of their traditions fairly well.” 

“You’ve got a good aunt gig here,” he says before taking a sip of his water, “learning the ropes and everything.”

“I’m lucky Riley lets me get to be such a part of their lives, Cheryl’s first few months were hard on all of us,” MJ begins to say, “the worry reminded me of why I wanted kids, as painful as it was, loving her, both of them, has done a lot for me…”

“Yeah,” he sighs, “I used to feel like Mari and TJ were the closest I’d get.”

“Used to? She asks looking up at his figure. 

He nods, lifts his face to her, offering a soft smile, he says, “I didn’t know how present I could be, you know, because” he says motioning his hands as if shooting a spider, “but since going back to therapy, I’ve been talking about the kind of life that I  _ really  _ want…”

“Me, too,” she says lifting a corner of her mouth, she continues, “and making better choices. Listening better,” she adds before finishing her water. 

He nods, softens his gaze on her in response to what he’s just learned. “I’m still learning to ask for what I want.”

“Halloween night’s conversation put a lot into perspective,” she admits getting up to get more water. “At least for me, and I…”

“Yeah?”

“I could sleep easier,” she said as she walked back to the living room area. “And talking to you has been…”

Sitting back on the couch, MJ sits on the side of the couch closest to him. Unsure of whether to touch him or keep the relative distance they’d kept most of the night. Managing kids together was one thing, but being alone with him was a lot. Old feelings of comfort and ease were there as were feelings of uncertainty despite late-night texts and conversations that seemed to stop as soon as she entered her bedroom or he started getting for a shower. 

“Good,” Peter says after a long pause. Despite the relatively decent hour, he’d been awake most of the night, his mind racing with what it would mean to hang out with MJ’s sister and her kids. He agreed instantly because he wanted to spend more time with MJ. Being able to hold her through tears she hadn’t shared with him before felt like more than closure. It felt like a new beginning, a beginning he wanted to approach slowly, carefully. In their conversations, they focused on the present, on catching up with what they were doing with their lives. 

“You tired, Pete?” she asks, catching the yawn, taking in his slouching position. 

“A little,” he says covering his mouth. “I guess I should go--

“You should?” she asks, unable to hide the hint of a whimper. 

The whimper in her voice hurts his chest and the part of him that wants to stay clings to her voice and the open brows she gives him when he looks up a different answer, but he sticks with a “Yeah,” as he moves forward in his seat. 

“Oh,” she says setting her glass on the coffee table, uneasy and embarrassed, “Okay,” she says standing up, “lemme get your coat then.”

He nods and waits by the front door for her to go to her closet and get it. “I didn’t see you hang it up,” he says as she fishes for it in the closet behind the fridge. 

She walks towards him with it and shrugs, “Right before we went upstairs when you were adjusting yourself in the bathroom,” she laughs soft, trying to contain her disappointment. 

“Aww,” he says, “I thought I was being subtle.”

“I was nervous, too,” she says as she holds his coat open for him, adding, “And you have a tell, Peter, I remember the flight to Venice,” she adds as he puts his arms through each sleeve. 

He then turns around and lets her button him up, giving his eager sentimental heart some of the physical contact he’d been craving. She smooths out the open collar of his wool coat, unwilling to let him go though unable to find the words to ask him to stay. She tries, “You know,” she says tugging on his collar, “you don’t have to go…”

With her head bowed, Peter’s tempted to kiss her forehead. Instead, he says, “You never looked at your gift,” he says nodding towards it on the counter.

“Oh,” she says looking up, “do you want me to?”

Laying his hands on where hers landed on his chest, he answers, “Please,” with a smile. 

She leads him to the bag, taking his hand in hers. She lets go once she grabs the lavender bag. On opening taking out the tissue paper, she finds a new set of pastels, the ones she always talked of wanting but never being able to afford when they were together. “Thank you,” she says with a small smile. “You remembered.”

“Yeah,” he responds tucking a wisp of hair behind her ear, 

“Stay,” she whispers, closing her eyes rubbing her nose against his. “Unless you just wanna go swingin,” she considers resting her head on his shoulder, grabbing the collar of his coat in either hand. 

“I wasn’t planning on it,” he answers, trying to convert the incoming yawn into a deep breath. “I was so nervous last night I didn’t sleep, so…”

She brings her hand to his face, smoothing a thumb against his cheek. “Stay,” she whispers again. “It’d be unsafe for you to drive.” 

In response, he wraps his arms around her waist. She brings her face closer to his, taking his bottom lip between hers. He responds by kissing her back. Their first kiss in years, feeling like each of the first’s: the first in London, the first after they told each other they loved each other, the first kiss the morning after, the first after she said yes. Tongue action soon follows and he’s shuddering. She grabs the hairs at the nape of his neck in the way she’d done a thousand times before but between how long it’s been since he’s been kissed and how long it’s been since he’s kissed her, he tightens his hold on her to keep himself from falling into a mess of relieved, happy, exhausted sobs. 

When she pulls away to breathe, she finds his eyes are as teary and as happy as hers. “Is that a yes?”

He nods. 

“Good,” she says, the corner of her lips lifting towards either ear while she unbuttons his coat. 

“But I  _ am  _ sleepy,” he says as her hands unbutton the last button, 

“I know,” she says as he lays his hand on hers, “all I wanna do is hold you,” she says, wrapping her arms around him, “fall asleep to the sound of your heartbeat…”

He plants a small kiss on her cheek before unwrapping her arms and saying, “Lemme go hang up my coat.”

She goes to her room as he does, searching for a thermal shirt and flannel pants to sleep in. On following her in there, he takes in the large comforter of warm reds, burnt oranges and dark yellows on her bed as he scans her room, taking in the photo collages mounted on the wall, the matching curtains, a jewelry box exploding with necklaces and earrings and bracelets sitting on the bureau she’d bought at a consignment shop when they moved in together. 

MJ walks out of her closet, having changed into her PJs of a long-sleeved thermal shirt and black and blue plaid flannel pants, taking in the sight of Peter in her room. “Do you wanna get more comfortable?” she asks. “I just--

He nods, unbuttoning his shirt, “I usually wear t-shirts under dress shirts, got used to layers,” he explains with a quick shrug. 

“I can hang that up for you,” she says holding her hand out to take his shirt, “so it doesn’t get too wrinkled.”

“Thanks,” he says handing over his shirt, “I can give you my jeans too--if you have a pair of sweats I can--

She nods quickly, “I’ll hang these up and then bring those out.” 

When she comes back out, he’s sitting on the corner of her bed, his pants next to him, moving both his thumbs across his phone screen. “Just letting May know I’ll be late for lunch tomorrow and then turning off my phone.”

“Oh,” she says, eyes widening as she drapes his pants over her arm, “okay.”

“I didn’t tell her,” he says, “that I was here--I mean, with you--because--even though we did just hang with your family so I wouldn’t see the big deal but I just felt, it was different because your sister didn’t--

“I understand,” she says resting a hand on his shoulder. “I wouldn’t have told her.”

“Oh?”

“Not until,” she begins and then her face warms, “I mean unless,” she says shaking her head, “unless there was something major to tell.”

She goes into the closet, grateful for the moment to hide her embarrassment. Who knows what May would think? They hadn’t really said ‘love’ to each other and they just started talking a few weeks ago and they weren’t going to have sex that night, which may or may not be a thing, and she didn’t want to presume anything about him saying yes or staying the night. As sentimental of a fool he was, she didn’t want to expect anything. She hoped for everything, but she didn’t want to expect it, she wanted to earn it. 

She hands him a pair of her Berkeley sweats. 

He takes them into his hands, tracing the B from Berkeley running down the side of the leg and says with his head focused on it, “It can be until--until there’s something major…”

“Oh,” MJ says, her heart leaping in her chest as he puts on the pants, “okay…my observation skills are--I didn’t want to presume even though--it feels right to have you take the lead if...in, you know, where we go.”

He rubs his eyes, exhaustion sinking further in despite how adorable he found her stuttering, “one day at a time,” he says sitting down and taking her hand, “right?”

She nods, her elated head bobbing, a happy grin she never wants to leave her face, “okay, are you still sleepy?” she asks. 

He yawns and says, “Yeah.”

Her yawn immediately follows, “I'll go turn off the lights.”

Eager for the darkness, he closes his eyes until only the dim light of the night is seeping into the room. 

“You didn’t get into bed, Pete,” she observes on returning to the room.

She stands in front of him, running her fingers through the soft curls on top of his head, smiling as he hums in response. Wrapping his arms around her, he rests his forehead on her middle. 

“I wanted to be the feminist who allows the woman to invite me into her bed,” he says as she walks to stand in front of him.

“Peter,” she chuckles smoothing her hand down to the nape of his neck. 

“This is perfect,” he says nuzzling her middle, smoothing his hand along her back. 

In the morning, he wakes to her kissing his collarbone, so he pulls her in closer. “G’morning,” he says.

“Hi,” she mumbles into the crook of his neck. 

“Wanna join me at Leed’s next Friday,” he asks massaging her scalp.

“The twenty-third?” she asks, adjusting to meet his eyes. 

He nods, brushing his nose against hers. 

“Okay,” she says nuzzling his nose right back.

He smiles and pulls her in tighter, “Great.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for enjoying the ride. Working on 2 more fics, one that will remain teen rated (and in the series) and a more explicit one, which will be related to but separate from this series ;). I love writing this pairing so much!!!


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